Grammar Fascist



I’m a stickler for standards

I watch my p’s and q’s

And every other  letter

Of the language that we use.


You might call me pedantic

I prefer the word precise

I stand up for correctness

My distinctions are all nice.


Should you  imply, should you infer?

Should it be fewer,  should it be less?

I’m the one to point it out

The cleaner-up of linguistic mess.


Placing the apostrophe

And spelling ‘desiccate’ –

Someone needs to make a stand

Before it’s all too late.


So when it comes to textspeak

Of course I never  use it

As guardian of our mother tongue

I could never so abuse it.


For me there are no acronyms

No crude abbreviations

No emojis or contractions

Or suchlike deviations.


I always write my texts in full

They are models of precision

And I will always make them so

Despite the world’s derision.


I once texted from holiday

Writing properly on my phone

To ask my son how he was getting on

As we’d left him home alone.


‘Unecessary text’ was his response,

And I read his words aghast.

‘Two ‘n’s in ‘unnecessary’!’

My reply was firm and fast.


His equally quick reply

Lacked the gratitude of a thanker.

It was also about the letter ‘n’-

‘Only one in ‘wanker’!’