I’m a stickler for standards.
I watch not just my p’s and q’s,
But every single letter
Of the language that we use.
Some call me pedantic,
I prefer the word precise.
I stand up for correctness,
My distinctions are all nice.
Should it be imply, should it be infer?
Should it be fewer, should it be less?
I’m the one to point it out –
I clean up linguistic mess.
Where to put the apostrophe,
How to spell desiccate –
The battle needs to be fought
Before it’s all too late.
And when it comes to textspeak
I can’t bring myself to use it.
As guardian of our mother tongue,
I could never so abuse it.
For me there are no acronyms,
No sad abbreviations,
No emojis or contractions
Or similar deviations.
I always write my texts in full –
They’re models of precision.
And I will always make them so,
Despite the world’s derision.
I once sent a text from holiday,
Writing properly on my phone,
To ask my son how he was getting on,
As we’d left him home alone.
‘Unecessary text’ was his response,
And I read his words aghast.
‘There should be two ‘n’s in unnecessary!’
My reply was firm and fast.
His equally quick reply
Lacked the gratitude of a thanker.
It said something else about an ‘n’-
‘Only one in ‘wanker’!’
