Mind Your Language – A Poem








I’m a stickler for standards

I watch my p’s and q’s

And every other  letter

Of the language that we use.


You might call me pedantic

I prefer the word precise

I stand up for correctness

My distinctions are all nice.


Should you  imply, should you infer?

Should it be fewer,  should it be less?

I’m the one to point it out

I clean up linguistic mess.


Placing the apostrophe

And spelling ‘desiccate’ –

Someone needs to make a stand

Before it’s all too late.


So when it comes to textspeak

Of course I never  use it

As guardian of our mother tongue

I could never so abuse it.


For me there are no acronyms

No crude abbreviations

No emojis or contractions

Or suchlike deviations.


I always write my texts in full

They are models of precision

And I will always make them so

Despite the world’s derision.


I once texted from holiday

Writing properly on my phone

To ask my son how he was getting on

As we’d left him home alone.


‘Unecessary text’ was his response,

And I read his words aghast.

‘Two ‘n’s in ‘unnecessary’!’

My reply was firm and fast.


His equally quick reply

Lacked the gratitude of a thanker.

It was also about the letter ‘n’-

‘Only one in ‘wanker’!’